If you’re the sort of person who enjoys games in which you work for no tangible reward then you’ll love these N64 job simulators.

We’ve compiled a list of “job adverts” for games that either mimic a real-world vocation or are just so laborious that they feel like work. Do you have the skills required to take on these roles?

Paperboy

Seeking an upbeat and outdoorsy individual with excellent local knowledge to navigate suburban environments to deliver The Daily Sun newspaper to paying customers.

The Daily Sun from Paperboy 64

Skills you’ll require:

  • able to ride a bike and must have a moderate level of fitness - ideal for a teenager
  • strong attention to detail: avoid obstacles and deliver papers to the right houses.
  • unorthodox “sales tactics” to convince non-customers to buy a subscription.

Paperboy 64 - bag of newspapers

Skills you’ll develop:

  • a lack of faith in humanity due to absent-minded people getting in your way
  • a crippling fear of otherwise ordinary objects because you crashed into them.

Harvest Moon

Quaint village seeks young go-getter to take over farm previously held by recently deceased elder. Must be willing to participate in community activities and events.

Your farm in Harvest Moon 64

Skills you’ll require:

  • well-rounded farm management and animal husbandry knowledge
  • ability to manage workload and prioritise tasks to meet festival deadlines
  • strong interpersonal skills to interact with villagers who require attention.

Tilling soil in Harvest Moon 64

Skills you’ll develop:

  • organisational and time management skills
  • in-depth knowledge of running a virtual farm (not applicable to real life).

StarCraft 64

Battle-hardened military strategist required to oversee expeditions to other planets. You will have experience in resource extraction and management, and will have previously commanded troops into battle against hostile alien forces.

Terran base in StarCraft 64

Skills you’ll require:

  • multitask in a fast and efficient manner: construct bases and production buildings while defending them from attack
  • ability to identify natural gas and ore deposits for extraction and exploiting them for profit
  • strong leadership skills: send people into dangerous conflict zones to curtail the aggressive efforts of alien factions
  • flexibility to occasionally work with a fellow commander in a co-operative capacity.

Terran battle in StarCraft 64

Skills you’ll develop

  • proficiency in managing a large military operation using just an N64 controller.

Densha De Go! 64

Highly experienced train driver sought by Japanese rail network to operate local and cross-country rail services. Proficiency in written and spoken Japanese is desirable.

E3 Series train as seen in Densha de Go! 64 for Nintendo 64

Skills you’ll require:

  • intricate knowledge of the Densha De Go! 64 custom train controller’s five speed and eight brake settings
  • impeccable timing and accuracy: you are expected to stop your train at very specific platform markers at the specified time or you will be heavily penalised
  • in-depth understanding of Japanese rail signals and warnings: again, you will be heavily penalised for failing to adhere
  • ability to react incredibly quickly to sudden (unseen) hazards: as above, you will be heavily penalised if you do not.

Densha de Go! 64 gameplay of snowy train route

Skills you’ll develop:

  • awareness that you are nothing but a failure.

Donkey Kong 64

Looking to recruit an all-star simian team to save DK Island through laborious collecting of golden bananas, banana coins and a shed-load of other items.

DK Crew as seen in Donkey Kong 64

Skills you’ll require:

  • a staggering amount of endurance to enable you to trawl through a hub world and eight levels in search of items
  • ability to backtrack through environments using different members of the DK crew to access new areas
  • able to adapt on the fly to complete a variety of mini-game challenges.

Diddy Kong in Jungle Japes in Donkey Kong 64

Skills you’ll develop

  • exceptional mental fortitude from forcing yourself to collect every last item
  • complete knowledge of the lyrics to the DK Rap.

What’s your favourite N64 job simulation game?

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